How to Tell if You're Immoderate (and How to Stop)
We were once immoderate too. It's ok! And let's be honest: we're still immoderate about some things. Humans tend in that direction, for a variety of complicated reasons. The goal is not to beat ourselves up, but instead to learn to recognize immoderation, when and where it's not working, and find a way forward. There are some subtle and not-so-subtle signs that you're veering into immoderation, so here are some clues.
You use “always” or “never” often in conversation, particularly about social or political issues.
You talk about "them" or "they" a lot, assuming that an entire group of people behave in a particular kind of way all or most of the time.
You engage in subtle (or overt!) hypocrisy. Hypocrisy essentially means you can't or won't live by your own principles, despite judging other people for doing so. Sometimes this is a result of an immoderate value system: If the diet is that hard to live by, it’s probably not a good diet. If your moral commitments are such that that you fail to live up to even the most basic of them, it's probably not a good moral system. This doesn't mean we jettison things that are hard or that we struggle with. Eating healthy can be hard, but it shouldn't be impossible. Being a good person requires constant work and attention. But especially if you judge people by values you yourself are not fulfilling, you might have an immoderate approach to those values or the values themselves require reassessment.
You are immoderately risk-averse (or you ignore really obvious risks to avoid less important or less likely ones). Immoderate people tend to make claims about risk that are either inflated or that ignore the real tradeoffs involved in avoiding one particular risk at all costs. We see this with people's fears of terrorist attacks and kidnapping, both of which are extremely uncommon. It's also come up with some reactions to the Covid-19 crisis (more on this later). Living involves risk. Flourishing involves risk-taking. Living a radically moderate life requires careful balancing of values, risks, and the other things you care about. We'll be talking about this a lot more later, so hang tight.
You focus on rhetorical sleight of hand rather than substantive debate. If your arguments with friends, family, or strangers on the internet frequently end in you "winning" by simply beating the other person in a verbal death match, that's a decent signal that you're immoderate. Radical moderates want to get at the truth, not win an argument.
How can we get better at avoiding these things? For us, at least, the first step is noticing when it's happening. One of our weak spots is arguing for the sake of arguing. We find ourselves engaged in shifting arguments, particularly on the internet or when booze is involved, where we end up defending positions we don't particularly care much about merely for the purpose of mental gymnastics or the pride involved in winning.
Similarly, we've found ourselves (one of us more than the other, ahem...) committed to diets or exercise regimes or various systems of moral improvement that we do religiously for a week and then fall off (often hard). Once we noticed that pattern, it was a clear signal that we were taking an immoderate approach. We were approaching change in big leaps as opposed to small baby steps.
Once we notice this was happening, it's possible to stand back and ask the really crucial questions: "What is my end goal here? What is my purpose?" Once we ask that question, our immoderation became clear and the path forward became clearer. Because if you ask that question and you realize that your end goal or purpose in taking a particular position or engaging in a particular behavior is not who you are or who you want to be, it becomes easier to commit to stopping. More on this soon!
What about you? What are signs of immoderation you've seen in yourself and others? Which do you think are the most problematic and why? Have we missed something? Let us know!